what a blind idiot

i went a super long time with out livejournal. I went to target and got a little notebook and started a diary or a journal.haha. I also purchased a polaroid camera. I have been taping in picture i have taken that either inspire me or i just think are too god damn cute, i cant resist taking a picture of it :)
life is intense these days.

i think i should rip out my last journal entry haha. if i have to question it. i am guessing it is a YES. im going to do that now.
goodnight

sound is vibration

tell me how it is, because im missing out on being me.

one day he will notice that it was doomed from the beginning. one day he will look back on what he had. one day he will realize what she really meant to him. one day he will make the mistake all over again.

hello 2009....
drunk & half innocent.

i have made mistakes in my life but have still had my BFFFSSS for life.


& we have gone through shit non of you have :) goodnight lovers


i love you squared

love lolly

when i bottle my emotions up long enough, they eventually come spilling out. which mostly include tears, nightmares or just not wanting to talk. last night i was sleeping at spinies, i woke up twice, then had to wake him up to tell him my awful nightmares. nightmares are the worst. With school coming soon i feel like I am a 9th grader going in to her first day of school all over. Then there is work. then there is picking out what i want to do with the rest of my life. i am stresssing to the max.
I feel blank yet full of emotion. & a tad bit like no one can help me.
I remember one time when I was cheering for basketball at BP, I had my megaphone in lauras ear and she hit it! It hit the top of my mouth, yeah it hurt but the tears kept flowing after that. i was in tears for probably 2 hours....why? becasue i was stressed out and didnt know that a hit to the mouth would impact my life so much.

this story had a point.

I watched 7 Pounds with bimbo, my mommy & pa. Our double date. I started balling....& balling & some more balling. haha it was the best movie ever. But i felt like i was in that game with laura again, my tears came and couldnt and cant stop. i think of one sad thing and then BAM...tears. It doesnt help i am on my period and have cramps.

shoot me :(
i am going to write in my diary :)
thats where all my real secrets are.

i have just hit the point in my life where i have no idea what is to come next. i have no idea what i want to do with the REST OF MY LIFE and it driving me a little insane. i have two possible roads and struggling with this is not a new thing. there is the world of glamor and fame or busy business suits, either way i go i know my full heart is in it. I have been doing both and its a kick in the ass. I dread mondays- fridays because the early auditions or castings and then back to school to fill my brain with stuff i probably will forget anyways. Movie/tv casting are like homework 1-2 hours studying what they want from the person you are becoming and look good doing it. and castings are a drive to BFA just so they can look at you book. GRRR i am angry. Then i have the weekends and i spend it with the best people, i smile constantly but stay so late up at night hoping the next day wont come.

there is point where you just realize random stuff about life. why things happen the way they do and why you act the way you do or did. its a beautiful thing to see yourself grow up and see what you need in life.

ahh i have so much energyyyy. i am going to take a walk.

goodnight loves

my birthday came and passed although i know i will be saying it for the next 2 months. halloween was spend with the most amazing people in the world. and now our poor country is crumbling, not that it wasnt before.





the balance i always thought was easy. its the hardest thing i have come to know. BALANCING? am i getting it right?

i feel sick knowing i cant just drive a hop skip and a jump to lauras house. it hit me after my latest class, she is like an hour away.

i chatting made me feel a little better :)

LOVE FEST.....ROADTRIPPPPPP

pinch me, i think i'm dreaming.

9 months <3

TOONIGHTT is the night we say goodbye to miss laura kim.


i will miss seeing her every second of everyday but i am sooooooo excited to go see her in her cutee apppttt.


UMEEEE I LOVE YOUUU- <3 MEEEEUU



"where we will make dreams come true everyday"

i am just really good at pretending

i need my mom to come home :( like NOW.
i need the crazy person that keeps coming in to my house to stop because ITS NOT FUNNY.
i need people to understand me.
i need to do whats best for ME, and fuck the rest.
i need to do good tomorrow on my job. soaps are so funny.
i need my mom to do my laundry, because i have no clean clothing.
i need this weekend to be the best EVER.
i need my book to come in the mail for English.
i need to stop being worried.
i need my MAC up and running because i hate my parents computer.
i need kyle to feel better.
i need milk, because i want cereal tomorrow.
i need WONDERFUL grades.
i need to be able to vent to the one i like.
i need grow up sooner more then later.
i need a drink.
i need everything to make sense.
i need people to realize their scars have NOTHING to do with me.
i need to say whats on my mind.
i need to make good money when im older.
i need to stop being SO blindsided by whats really going on.
i need sleep.
night.

forgive me for caring.

if i could explain last night in words, i would have a 100 page book. AMAZING, SUPURB & PERFECT. WICKED was the cutest thing i saw in my life.

if this is what it feels like i could do this forever.

i get it. i get why it turned out the way it did. i understand more than anyone in the world.

i have made it this far.



"neeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrdddddddddddddddddd"

i think i realized a lot about life just since i graduated.
getting out of high school made me understand why people aren't close anymore. we are all to busy in our own ways.



jennnss coming home soon. =)
laura might be done hanging out with boys everyday.
and i will be wrapping ip my A's in school.

proud much?

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